Incognito
by Rainwave
Summary: [formerly Fallen Angel] A love triangle, Paine strives to understand the past they all had left behind. More detailed summary inside
1. Incognito

**_Incognito_**

By: Artificial-Eternity

**Some Notes Before We Begin:** First off, the **disclaimer**. I don't own Final Fantasy X-2, so that applies to all the characters and locations of Final Fantasy X-2. They're all owned by Square-Enix. Though I wish I could own Paine and Gippal. ^_~

Oh, and by the way. This story may include **tons** of spoilers. If you **do not want** to be spoiled, do not go on. You have been warned.

**In-Depth Summary:** Paine, the loyal and dangerous warrior of the trio of friends [Yuna, Paine, and Rikku], talks of her adventures [in her POV] being a Sphere Hunter. In admist her adventures, she flips back through the pages of her past to find emotions that were left unidentified and abandoned as she had done to her memories. Through her reunions of her other three comrades: Baralai, a respected praetor of New Yevon; Gippal, head of the Machine Faction; and Nooj, the leader of the notorious Youth League, she finds herself in a predicament she had forgotten all those years ago. It's been two years since they all had been together - does she still have a chance to say and do what she couldn't do then?

Pairs:

Paine x [not sure yet]

Yuna x Tidus

Lenne x Shuin

There might be more as the story goes on. I'll be sure to update this when I do mention another couple.

Done with the drill. =3


	2. Prologue: My Paradox

Prologue:

My Paradox

_Love._

It's riveting...just ruminatively musing on how much power this infinitesimal word could incorporate. This four lettered word could make the strongest, tremble; the weakest, strong; the rough, gentle...Plausibly, this "word" could hold the salvation and unconditional healing for this world, if not be it's apocalypse. Though it's modesty is what makes it a cryptic mystery.  Its vast force always unseen but one can sense it like the calm before a storm. It's alarming yet electrifying all at the same time.  Even the greatest scholars wouldn't be able to tell you where the pleasure started and where the pain ended.

Deducting what this fairly small parole of emotion could do, I found my thoughts thumbing through memories of - surprisingly - many people.  I realized as I exhaled voices, faces, places, from the past...that each of them at least shared at most one trait when they were in love: each of them had been driven to make the impossible, actuality. Actually, just making the slightest reference to the word "impossible" in their presence would leave them baffled at its meaning. "Impossible" in their definition, was just a series of temporary nightmares of words that couldn't be said, dreams that couldn't be consummated, and things couldn't of been done. It seemed that "love" had given them untrammeled, supernatural strength that granted them to live the fullest.  Perhaps, even the emotion educated them how to fight. They are even others whose very existence are based on that simple, dry word.

I'm not sure whether to conclude that it is utterly pitiful to choose to live like that, or maybe I am missing something that really is that grand. Who knows?

Judging by the company I keep, however, people assume I was erudite woman of such matters. I _am working with someone who has come in contact with this supposively "intoxicating" emotion. We've worked together around...about two years now? I'm even witnessing her right now, dancing and singing on the top of Celsius' deck for the amusement of Brother and Rikku for the...hm, hundredth time? She's been captivated by that four-lettered feeling. And it's because of that four-lettered feeling that she's here. She did not join because of the sole purpose to hunt spheres, but to hunt for something less tangible. And what would be __so important to search and sacrifice a chance for a thrilling escapade and opportunity? Why, _love_, of course._

I always treasured the feeling I get being right at the tip of the deck. This feeling of being on the edge.  Being barely separated from the blue unknown. To feel the rushing air engulf me, take me over, twirl me and hold me like an elegant dancer. The fiery adrenaline flow from head to toe in my body leaving me intoxicated and screaming for more.  This was my reason for coming to the Gullwings. It was this freedom of flying I yearned to experience so much. This freedom, and for the truth. So diametrical from Yuna's rationality of being a sphere hunter.

My free hands soon find their familiar place: crossed on my chest as I looked ahead into the night. Musical notes invisibly flowed like a stream behind me. The music carried off into the evening allowing the night to have symphonic wings. The stars sparkled like scattered crushed angel dust on black velvet. The moon, a pale white pearl, hovered among the wispy clouds as Celsius plowed through them without thought. This was heaven for me. This was peace on earth here.

Yuna once told me that love was connatural to flying. It had come up in one of those tiresome nonsensical explanations of Yuna's purpose of this other "journey". I don't think I'll ever get it.  She had told me repetitively that she was searching for her _love.   That she was willing to abandon anything and everything just for his return.  Her passion was so extreme, that she even swore to tear Spira apart for him...The Spira she had been so compliant to die for at one point. But, what my question was: why did he depart in the first place? One could safely cogitate that if someone left you, that they would come back if they _truly_ loved you. Even when Yuna couldn't pin the right words to support herself, Rikku would give it a shot through her own eyes. In the end, it was no use. I still didn't understand why someone would go through such peril and trouble over just one man. A simple, _normal_ man, no less._

Ah, why bother to even interpret their reasoning? What's the point of even trying to figure this out? I have a job. I have a mission. I have a sword. This is all I need for me to find my goal in life. This is all I need to calculate and understand. So _why am I all caught up in it now?_

My face turned over my shoulder, the corner of my eye seeing flashes of a vibrant orange and a delicious blue hue. Through the hazy lights and the blaring music, I could see Rikku and Yuna now both dancing. Jigging to their own personal beats, singing with arms around each other's shoulders laughing without a care in the world. Their smiles enamoring boy scout Buddy and the bumbling Brother. Their movements cheery and upbeat, swerving their hips and waving their arms around. I wonder if they know they're humiliating themselves? Well, whatever makes them happy.

Swiftly I turn my body, my black high heels clicking on the cold metal of the floor. I begin to walk off the deck and towards the elevator. I was never much of a dancer, so I was hoping that I would be able to escape before the dancing duo would ask for a triplet bolero. I knew I would one day have to face it though. Seeing how much this dancing ritual will become a habit after Brother had first seen it, and shamelessly, will become addicted to it. 

One step before I entered the elevator, I heard Rikku's shrill voice call out.

"Hey, Paine, where are you going!!?"

I freeze and don't turn around. My body stiff yet my exterior cool.  "I'm going to bed," I dryly answered. "I've got a lot of things on my mind." Something that was partially true but partially false. I did have something on my mind but I preferred I didn't. I was hoping that sleep would erase it by morning.

"Aw, come on, Paine, don't you want to dance?"

"No," I said deadpanned and cold. I stepped into the elevator with haste and pressed the button to the cabin.  I was hoping Rikku wouldn't try anything stupid...like jump off the stage and drag me towards the resplendent lights and muscians.  She sometimes would get crazy like that.

I watched as doors began to close in.  Grey steel doors separated me from the iridescent world of music to the real world.  Through the slits of the monochromatic doors, I could see glints of - to what it seemed to be - a disappointed crew.

Hm.

Love.

A four-lettered word that remained one of the few paradoxes I wouldn't ever empathize. Oh well, its no loss, right?

I closed my eyes to the now drowning melody.  The tasteful colored lights fading into a darkness that I was accostumed to.  Inside the iniquity of my previous thoughts, however, a dazzling smile appeared in my head as some kind of interference.  

Mouthing mysterious words...an answer, maybe?  Answer or not...the words he said was a phrase that I desperately needed to hear...Somehow...maybe...he would one day say it.  Anguish struck me and I immediately banished the sentiment into the shadows of my mind once more. I reminded myself sullenly: what is dead, _remains dead._


	3. My World

Chapter 1:

_My World_

I awoke to the sounds of soft squalling of sea gulls. My left eye opened lazily, scanning the cabin while still in the clutches of hazy slumber. My lone eye focused on Yuna passed out on one of the beds, and paneled over to see a content Rikku talking in her sleep. It must be early if they're still sleeping.  
  
I sat up in my bed slowly. I yawned and let my hand sooth the waves in my hair. I turned to the long vertical window of our cabin and squinted against the tangy morning light. Must be around 11 in the morning. I yawned again sleepily. I felt renewed with my night of sleep, and most of all, my mind was blank as a clean slate. I was right; sleep and time had erased that irritating subject from my mind and I was now free. I got up and opened my own personal drawer, pulling out my studded clothing and belts. Carefully and quietly, I walked towards the bathroom to get myself changed out of these...tonberry pajamas. Even now, recalling that accursed day I had walked into that Lucan clothing shop, I still have no idea what came over me when I finally agreed to wearing these PJs. I guess it was because of Rikku's eagerness to have matching bed wear for all of us that I just couldn't help but cave into the cute "matching fashion" that Rikku wanted so much.  
  
I slipped into the bathroom door and quickly put on my clothes without making a squeak. Despite all the buckles and belts I wore on my usual outfit, I had grown used to making my footsteps and movements concentrated and planned so none of them would make a sound. If I had any hopes of surprising an enemy, or going unseen, I had to make sure that I wouldn't even give the slightest hint of a noise. I loved my belts and my buckles too much to part with them, so I just changed the style of my walking.  
  
I softly open the door, carefully avoiding the click when I closed it. I walked past my bed and was nearing Yuna's. As I passed, I noticed she was still wearing her Songstress dressphere and not the moogle PJs Rikku had given her. My eyebrow arched just seeing her lying there. It was unlike her to pass out like that. Maybe the Kilika scramble had taken more energy out of her and Rikku than I anticipated. Whatever the case, I know I would find out by either Shinra or Buddy if anything happened. They would be the only ones up, anyway. I looked past her to see Rikku, mumbling to herself in a cheery tone and snuggling against her covers. Looking innocent and - something that rarely happened - _calm in her Cait Sith pajamas. Surveying the two sleeping comrades of mine, I just decided that Brother had kept Yuna up dancing all night long.  
  
I lowered my head while shaking it.  
  
Selfish fan boy._

~ ~ ~  
  


"Morning Paine," Buddy greeted me as I walked out from the elevator. He was in his Gullwing position, the "search seat" as we all called it. "Sleep well?"  
  
"Yes," I answered calmly without looking at him in the eye. My head turned back and forth to acknowledge anyone else who could be up from their trip to the Dream realm. The only other person I detected was the Al Bhed child genius. Already both of them had brought the Gullwing central to life: all of the machina were on; computers were up and running; and the treasure oscillo was hooked online and searching for waves. The Celsius was on autopilot as the pilot seat remained empty. I was right; only Shinra and Buddy were up and already working. Our lackadaisical leader was still somewhere in the cabin....passed out and snoozing. Buddy gave me a kind smile before turning back to his work, typing madly and scanning the green screen for any kind of signals. Shinra himself was typing just as frantically. Perhaps more tutorials or trying to decode the meaning of the latest sphere.  
  
My brows furrowed when I mused about that new sphere we..."won"...back at Kilika. It had the same man in Yuna's "Journey's Begin" sphere. I actually was able to catch a glimpse of his figure and clothing this time. Could it be the man she was looking for? If so, we may be stepping closer and closer to the termination of Yuna's Sphere hunting career. Which would be ultimately be the end of Gullwings. It was a prominent speculation that with her departure, the Gullwings would crumble. If it would of miraculously survived somehow, it would still be a disaster with Brother's constant whining.  
  
I leaned against a cold steel wall beside the glass window and Shinra's research desk. My eyes traveled to the bottom right where the glass front allowed me to watch the white clouds pass by as Celsius tore through them. Separating them like whipped cream on a blue table. Seagulls called out softly to their brethren among our ship. While standing there, I waited for an explanation of what happened last night. Though all the waiting was for naught. Shinra and Buddy weren't even paying attention. They were all too sucked into their digital world of research to tune back into reality. All I had to converse with was the soft-tap-tap tapping of computer keys and mumbling curses coming from Buddy.  
  
"So, how did the night go?" I asked subtly, avoiding bluntly questioning why Yuna had passed out in her Songstress dressphere.  
  
"It went all right," Shinra replied, still staring at his screen with goggled eyes.  
  
"Something was wrong with Yuna, though," Buddy added, also not diverting his eyes from the screen.  
  
"Was it the sphere?" I inquired as a memory flash came into mind. I remembered Yuna's gleeful expression when she once again saw the spiky haired man appear on the computer. But how the raptured expression fell when she heard the man quietly whisper to himself about a girl named Lenne.  
  
"Yeah," Shinra answered somewhat preoccupied any typing away. "She seemed to be bothered by some of the contents on it. Especially by that Lenne girl."  
  
I was right.  
  
"She was a bit distracted while dancing though she didn't admit it to us. When you left, she kind of sat out and let Rikku dance a bit. Then she got up and screamed 'Who the heck is Lenne?!' out of no where."  
  
Ooh, ouch. Jealousy.  
  
Buddy took over from there.  "Then afterward she just stormed to her bed."  
  
I lifted my body from the cold metal, standing straight up but with arms still crossed on my chest. So, Yuna's love interest had found someone else? Or at least it appeared so. I felt a little bit of pity for Yuna when it truly sank in. The man that she was direly seeking for was with someone else. I wonder if it would change her resolve? I wonder if she would give up this stupid quest to find him and just sit back and _enjoy_ the pleasures of sphere hunting?  
  
E tuipd ed.  
  
Even if he had found someone else, this had been her resolve for about two years now. Why would she change it on the spur of the moment? Perhaps their reunion would be much different than what she had originally predetermined...from a warm embrace and a kiss to remember, to a slap in the face with screams and flooding tears.  
  
Hm. Betrayal.  
  
The feeling is revoltingly familiar.

  
  
~ ~ ~  
  


  
"I can't wait anymore!" Rikku yelled at the Bridge. I stood on the higher deck of the levels, my hands to my sides and my crimson eyes searching the skies. Rikku was having some kind of temper tantrum because of Yuna oversleeping. She was already full ofvigor and geared for the next sphere mission. She had been waiting just thirty minutes and she had already grown impatient. While I had been waiting for around an hour for even another person to be among the living other than Shinra and Buddy.  
  
"If she's not getting up now, then she needs a wake-up call!"  
  
I chuckled to myself as I gazed at Rikku. It was sometimes amusing watching her squirm in frustration, even if that does sound cruel. Occasionally she would remind me of those monkeys that crawled all over Spira. A green-eyed monkey with boundless energy, that is.

Rikku's swirled emeralds looked to me and she stomped childishly. "Paine! Come on, let's go!"  
  
"All right, all right, calm yourself," I sardonically replied. I followed Rikku's fleeing figure to the elevator and once inside, went down to the cabin.  
  
Rikku's braids swung gently from her shoulders as she tiptoed into the cabin, planning a surprise attack on High Summoner Yuna. I could only shake my head. Rikku's hyperactivity never seemed to cease. Just like those monkeys.  
  
As we reached the stairs and began to climb it, we began to hear Yuna moaning in her sleep. We heard covers toss and ruffle. Her voice shaky and choking. She was having a nightmare. When Rikku's ears realized the faintest of moaning, she hastily ran to Yuna's side. By the time I had climbed fully up the stairs, she was staring with a distressed expression as Yuna's twisted figure continued to thrash. Yuna was breathing fast and groaning. By the time I reached to Rikku's side, Yuna shot up in a cold sweat and screamed, "What-"  
  
I blinked, a bit surprised of Yuna's abrupt scream. "'What' what?"  
  
Yuna looked up at us with dazed eyes, then shook her head, embarrassed. Her face flushed a bit of pink but not a full-blown red to signify being mortified.  
  
"Just...a strange dream."  
  
Once again, I was right. A nightmare.  
  
"A dream's a dream," I quietly said to her, turning away.  
  
Rikku giggled a bit. "Blame it on your new jammies."  
  
Yuna looked at Rikku quizzically, then glanced down at herself. "Oh!" She laughed a little bit before getting out of bed, and finally joining the living.  
  


  
~ ~ ~  
  


  
Hours later after Yuna had awoken, we had already found ourselves in a mess. The sphere we had pried out of Kilika the other day was being analyzed by Shinra. When the downloading was completed, we all watched with curious eyes to what this "awesome" sphere held. To our horror, we saw something that none of us guessed would have existed. After two minutes of seeing its data we were already wanting to give it back. Although the only thing that caught Yuna's eye was the golden-haired youth, the massive machine behind him is what caught all the rest of our attention. A mammoth machina was behind the brave man, pulsating vibes of utter destruction. Brother was the first one to see it. He was always repelled and hateful towards the man - or any man that looked like him - had stolen Yuna's heart. So, the only thing to look at if it wasn't him was the huge machine. How could you miss it, anyways? The machine took up the _whole room! Even I, sizing up the machina and making notes of all the offense devices, knew that the machina was the epitome of trouble and hell.  
  
Figures. Anything related to Yevon was bad in itself. I should have guessed that the sphere was of something that nobody wanted to know of, or see. New Yevon was just another replacement cult after the fallen Yevon.  
  
Immediately Brother didn't want it. It was a secret lethal weapon of mass destruction that could be served for a war. Lacking in everything that leadership needed, our so-called "Leader" kept shifting the decision to be made by anyone else but himself. Eventually, the decision rested on Yuna's shoulders. She didn't have much of a choice, anyway. It was either the sadistic cult that replaced the one of Yevon all those years back, or the countering mafia to balance the yang - the former Crusaders who had renamed themselves as the Youth League. I preferred to keep them both out of reach of this sphere. Either mafia would have taken the information and used it against the other causing havoc for all the rest of us. However, Brother had been so adamant about getting the wretched thing out of our hands that this wasn't an option. All I could do was contribute some advice and background on the two opposite groups.  
  
By the end of Yuna's thinking we had decided to give it to the Youth League. New Yevon was the same as the old Yevon: they held dangerous secrets and manipulated the rest of Spira because of the lack of information. They claimed themselves to be supporting a holy cause but it all boiled down to was the same deception. Or at least we all viewed it that way. The Youth League seemed to be a promising group. They wanted to announce the secrets to all of Spira. For it was also the people's right to know what was going on. There shouldn't by any special "groups" to monitor the information flowing in and out of the world. Yuna hated this most of all. It was of this deception she had followed blindly into Death's hands but managed to escape. She wanted to avoid deceit and illusion so she could obviate the same mistake. And if giving it to the Youth League meant doing that, she seemed uncoerced.  
  
When we went to Mushroom Rock, we battled our way through the Gauntlet and into Youth League's HQ. There we were greeted by some old allies of Yuna. Clasko from the entrance, Elma, and Lucil, all former Chocobo Knights. It seemed that we chose right, seeing how many allies of Yuna had joined this group. From there, we were taken into Nooj's tent and he had volunteeringly explained to us the contents of the sphere. Nooj seemed like his usual self, hadn't changed over the years. However, we had no time for small talk to catch up for the both of us - Nooj seemed to have taken on the truth of this machina, the Vegnagun, while I still was in search for my truth.  
  
What irked me mostly about the conversation was how he knew about it. How did he know, if he hadn't seen the sphere before? Didn't the New Yevon always have it? I watched as Nooj continued to talk to Yuna as these questions drummed in my mind.  
  
Well, no choice now. We've already given it up.  
  
But what was the point of wondering about it now? My job, my world is as a Sphere Hunter. I only take part of what interests me and to the data that doesn't, I shouldn't concern myself. Sure, if I was hell-bent on blasting half of Spira into oblivion would I ever care about that machina, but I wasn't. All my mind was concerned about was where we would get our next sphere._

Hm.  
  
Devotion.

Before we left, however, I noticed something about Nooj's eyes. They looked at me hard, as if trying to grab hold of me just with his gaze. His body was rigid and appeared to be nervous but I took no heed of it. 

I just shrugged and turned my back to him.  Whatever was going on through his mind, whatever he was seeing through those glasses, didn't matter to me..._anymore_.


	4. My Memories: Baralai

To all my reviewers: Thank you for reviewing the story so far!! I wasn't expecting so many reviews in one day! ;-; *feels so incredibly proud right now* Thank you for all of your suggestions for the pairings, but…umm, Well, the story might be a Gippal x Paine, Nooj x Paine, or a Baralai x Paine, as for the ending of who she'll be with will have to be a surprise. However, I will take your pairings as a consideration if the story does go in that direction. Okay? 

Once again, thanks! And GO PAINE FANS!! *whistles* She owns!

**Chapter 2:**

****

**_My Memories_**

****

**_Part I: Baralai_**

****

****

Why? Why do I always find myself thinking of these long gone memories?

These memories of the sweet, short days of when we were together.

Though it seems the more I try to fight remembering, the more the sentimentalism grows.

Ironic, isn't it?

I was 16 then, already an orphan and no future. Sin had taken away everything from me. My family, my hometown, my will to go on. My past was just another sob story like the rest.

The sun was slowly descending down to the horizon.  Night was coming soon. From this day, it had been at most two weeks since our last meeting with Nooj. During those days followed countless missions we had to participate in. However, most of them didn't even deserve to be titled _mission because of its stupidity and lack of spheres for a reward. Nevertheless, Yuna had a heart of gold and always wanted to help those in need. So any poor unfortunate person was in any kind of predicament, Yuna would immediately offer a hand. Even if it __did mean it was wasting our time. Then there were those stupid LeBlanc morons...who, I must say in my opinion, did not only _lack_ in sphere hunter enthusiasm, but in maturity as well. How that chocobo-headed woman ever reached up to the level of being in charge was beyond me. _

I slowly took off my black glove, releasing my arm and hand from its constant encasement. I closed my eyes and I let my hand run through my hair. My fingers played with my light-brown strands, wanting to ruffle the hairdo and let it fly free. My subtle red-lips tightened as I let out a deep sigh.

I'm still thinking of you all.

The stars sparkled valiantly as darkness begun to close in. By just looking at them I knew I was in place with the world. The ever-gentle wind caressed me like a lover as the twilight sung a silent lullaby to me. I loved this place, right here. So high up in the sky... 

I crossed my arms, standing vigilantly on the tip of Celsius' deck. My crimson eyes slowly opened and stared straight ahead. The sun was setting now...the burning hues flaming up in the sky, causing a spectacular inferno of color. I could almost feel them all beside me. Nooj. Baralai. Gippal. We all used to watch sunsets together. My shoulders heaved and I slowly closed my eyes again, sighing.

It's moments like these that make me remember.

We were like a family. Well, I wasn't sure how you all felt, but I was sure I felt that we had somehow become connected those years we spent together. You became my substitute family. It was obvious that Nooj was the big brother watching us all...

I guess that's why memories are beginning to haunt me more than they used to. It's because of my last meetings with Baralai and Nooj. I have yet to find the whereabouts of Gippal...

Baralai...

~ ~ ~

We were walking on the streets of Bevelle the day we bumped into Baralai. Already Yuna seemed nervous going. I couldn't blame her; Bevelle was kind of creepy. Under covering all of the bright tasteful colors, the feigned smiles and the artificial comfort, laid manipulation, lies, and dark secrets. I wasn't much of a fan of Bevelle even if it was a religious capitol back in it's hey day. 

The streets were paved with Djose brick, beautifully done and recaptured. Bevelle had gloriously been preserved after Sin had fell on it. It kind of made me wonder if the architects of Bevelle were still alive. I wouldn't be surprised if they were. There could be many walking unsent still among us. There was a small built in stream that passed through the sides of the streets. Perhaps for calming effects. Waterfalls were also within the walls of Bevelle. Azure water trickling down the bricks and splashing into the stream.

I watched as robed priests went along their duties. Passing by us hurriedly as if they had something urgent to do. Some of them were even mumbling some of the old Yevon Prayers as they went. The soft buzzing of people talking filled my ears. The wind blew through the high-strung tapestries of Yevon as New Yevon members conversed on their next move against the Youth League. It was annoying how serene Bevelle looked, especially when you knew of the wolf inside this sheep's skin.

When we neared to the Temple, a priest had stopped Yuna. He had asked if she would spare a moment with the praetor of New Yevon. At first Yuna hesitated but the priest had already run off to get him.

"A bit pushy, aren't they?" Rikku chimed, a smirk curling her lips.

I remained silent. Praetor...

Wasn't...the praetor of New Yevon..._Baralai?_

~ ~ ~

I guess if Yuna and Rikku knew of our past, they would of considered me a horrible friend. Especially whenever Yuna bumped into people she knew, she immediately asked of their well-being. And even with the limited time she had, she tried her hardest to catch up with them as much as she could. I hadn't even spoken to neither Nooj nor Baralai when I had the chance. Not even looked at any of them in the eye. Maybe we were trying to put the past behind us. But were we ready to leave all of those precious good memories because of the bad? 

Though something in my chest ripped open when Baralai came walking through the crack of Bevelle's Temple doors. Something strange and new, yet old and familiar was running through my body. 

What and why that happened, I am still unsure.

His doe-brown eyes still held a serenity deep within its depths. No one would of thought that this soft-spoken praetor had been a formidable fighter back in the days of the Crimson Squad. His soft, snowy hair fell in graceful strands and curved around his face. Giving him some sort of ethereal look. His caramel skin only made his hair look even more heavenly and pure...and when he spoke, he began to sound like a sophisticated angel.

The discussion between he and Yuna were, of course, of the New Yevon party. His sugar-sweet persuasion didn't seem to waver Yuna at all. At first she had assumed that he was the son of the first praetor...The one she said she had turned down an offer of marriage.

Yuna...marrying Baralai?

Fiery, vicious emotions rose within my chest. Violently they thrashed within my heart and spirit. It was not like any other violence I had experienced: usually the rage I always utilized was generated from and for battle. This - and it didn't even take a airship scientist to figure out - was no battle at all. I bit my lip, trying to swallow the sudden tsunami of feeling and control myself. It would be very unbecoming of me to yell out at Yuna and Baralai for this. 

The emotions grew even more ferocious and I turned around, walking far from Rikku and Yuna. I didn't want to see him. Whatever he had that was stirring these things inside of me was really beginning to set me on edge. I was beginning to get disgusted with myself. _Why_ am I feeling these emotions? _Why_ or _how were concepts I couldn't figure out at the moment. So the only thing I could do was avoid any kind of eruption as much as possible. _

I watched as they finished their discussion and he looked past Yuna and to me, but I had given him the cold shoulder and remained with my back to him. But I couldn't help but notice his speculating gaze on me...He didn't look at me like he knew me.  He just stared at me curiously, as if I was a stranger...

~ ~ ~

"Enough of the sight-seeing! Hurry up before we miss the ship!" Nooj's loud orders roared at Baralai and Gippal. His metal staff tapped irritatingly on the dock of Kilika. Most of our Crusader quad had boarded the ship and were preparing for the long voyage towards their next mission destination. Nooj gave another guttural growl, his eyes closing as his shoulders flinched.

"Aren't you coming, you slowpokes?!" Nooj yelled again, his voice tethering on the explosive side.

"E's lusehk, E's lusehk, oui tysh suhgao-ynca!" Gippal growled half to himself, half to Nooj. He picked up his souvenirs and sulkily walked towards the S.S. Winno. Gippal didn't like ships all that much. When on board, he would occasionally get seasick and miserably moan and groan until the sea voyage was over. Though it seemed that we were boarding ships a lot more now. A lot of out destinations were scattered all over Spira and we couldn't have the luxury of walking on land anymore. Eventually, after so many ships I had gone on, Gippal was slowly became a "man of the sea". Or at least that's how a sailor put it. He was becoming more adjusted to the motherly rocking of ship and the salty scent of it.  Even so, he still didn't like it.

Baralai emerged from the Kilika crowd, running vigorously. By the time he had reached to where Gippal was he looked like he was about to fall over.  He leaned over and put his hands on his knees, inhaling and exhaling incredibly. He had run all over from the Fire Temple in the Kilikan woods to here. 

Baralai had always taken interest in the temples. He had always been fascinated with the Aeons and the mysterious hymn of the Fayth. Even when he was a child, he would visit the temples regularly to observe the beautiful statues of lore and the Great Summoners. He knew all of the stories of each summoner and guardians of every pilgrimage made to Zanarkand.  I'm pretty sure that if he didn't join the Crimson Squad, he would have been a Summoner himself.

"Sorry Nooj," Baralai breathlessly said. "I didn't realize the time."

"Doesn't matter," Nooj barked. "Get your sorry little butts on that ship; they're about to leave!"

Nooj limped on the bridge and walked into S.S. Winno's deck. Baralai soon followed afterward and Gippal reluctantly came last, mumbling to himself while clutching to his souvenirs that happened to be - a surprise indeed - potions for seasickness.

~ ~ ~

"Project Mi'ihen?" Gippal rubbed the back of his spiky-haired head. "That's all they've come up with?" Both Baralai and Gippal were sitting at the bottom of a mast, both looking at each other with amazement with what they had just heard.

We were on top of the highest deck on S.S. Winno. The young Paine was standing to the farthest point from the three, listening with a hungry curiosity about what this Operation Mi'ihen had been about. Nooj had just been informed a couple of days ago of it's consent and the early preparations of the operation itself.

"It's Operation Mi'ihen," Baralai corrected him modestly. He turned to look at Nooj for a further explanation. Nooj had his back turned on them, looking out to sea and his hand on the helm. His other hand clutched to the cane that he needed so desperately. "So they actually have dug up a machina that could possibly take on Sin? But what about the teachings?"

"Screw the teachings," Nooj answered quickly. "If it can take on Sin, does it really matter? Those teachings...they're a bunch of chocoshit. We've been 'atoning' for a thousand years now, and nothing's changed. When will we be forgiven for our sins of the past? When will Sin go away? Same answer for both:_ never."_

Nooj, Gippal, and despite Baralai's intriguing hobby about Temples, never really followed the teachings. They all did share and believe in a philosophy, though. And despite they all had different personalities as well as perspectives, what really came down to their ism was one true message: to protect and to fight for what was worth saving. I, myself, didn't really believe in the teachings, either. After Sin had taken everything away from me...I felt that I really had nothing else to lose to it. Why should I pray to Yevon to make Sin go away, if he had already robbed every precious thing from me? There was no point and there was no purpose. So I adapted their philosophy as well to somehow keep myself going.

"Now that's the spirit," Gippal proudly beamed. "I just hope those damned Yevonites eventually get that concept through their head."

"Knowing how dense they are," Baralai stated, "I bet that it just might take them another thousand years for them to actually take a hint."

Baralai and Gippal both laughed.

"You think so?" Gippal's eyes were shining.

"Sure do," Baralai grinned.

I just stood there, my mind jumbled with thoughts of this massive machina...and the slightest possibility of the Calm. Could this really be true? Could there actually be peace once more? Even _if_ Sin would come back...the Calm meant no fear for a certain period of time. No fear, no need to fight...

I had grown up in fear. In anguish. Torn up, thrown away, hopeless...and now, there actually might be a chance where I could actually start over?

A small flame of hope was born inside the youthful Paine that night.

~ ~ ~

"Paine?" A soft, melodious voice seeped through the darkness. "Paine? Why are you out here?"

I heard soft, graceful footsteps behind me. The wood of the ship creaked miserably as it heaved back and forth on the waves. The sky was painfully clear and the stars shined proudly. The full moon illuminated the black sea with pure-white diamonds. The sails softly ruffled with the breeze and continued onward at a slow pace.  The only thing that completed this picture-perfect scenery...was _his_ voice.

I could see myself standing, gazing at the sea. My wavy long hair down to my waist, my figure lithe and small: barely maturing as a warrior. I could see with millions of eyes examine the facets of my face. How the moonlight bathed my skin and my hair, beckoning me to join it and the stars forever. I could almost recall the aching in my heart when I thought of the stars. _That's where they all are, I would think. __Mom, Dad, sister...are you all watching me? Please look after me. I don't know where to go, how to live, without ever having you all..._

Soon enough, the 18 year old Baralai came into view. I could somehow see all of this as if I was a third person in the scene. Reliving a peaceful memory. I wrapped my arms around my forearms to protect myself from the sudden chill. The ship, S.S. Winno, was beginning to stop the drastic swaying to more of a mellow rocking. His footsteps coming closer. He came so close, that I could almost feel his clothing on my back. I remained silent, refusing to face him.  My long hair softly flowing in sync with the sea breeze.

"Aren't you cold?"

I shook my head briskly. Despite it was a lie, I didn't want to give in to being such a weakling so early. I had to become hard, I had to become stone. This frailty had to go away. And if it meant freezing myself to become somehow thick-skinned, I was willing to endure.

I turned around, looking at Baralai in the face and producing a weak smile. To think that even that pathetic attempt for a smile began to wane as the weeks past. Smiles was a rare thing of Spira in those days. I had been a generous donator of glittering smiles back when my family was still alive. When they died, when everything I loved was reduced to merely a faint memory...I began to lose my purpose to smile. Eventually, I lost the will to curl my lips happily. After that happened, it stung inside whenever I attempted one. 

Even now, I can feel the sting enrapture me. The pain is much more potent now than it was then. Overpowering, even. Choking and smothering any will to display any emotion other than the ones that made a wanna-be soldier into a warrior.

His large hazelnut eyes searched in my own crimson, trying to detect lies. Looking at my features as his own expression grew hard. His skin was beautifully blanketed with white-washed moonlight. The moonbeams made his hair glow gossamer-like, somehow reminding me of a heavenly spirit. He also reminded me of the moon. He reminded me of a lot of things that brought me comfort. Even him being there now, I could recall the sense of relief that descended upon me.

"No," I quietly responded. "I just can't sleep."

He walked past me and stood right next to me, his arms on the helm of the ship and looking out to sea distantly. He stood close to me, to somehow make me warm even if I declined the offer earlier. I eagerly soaked up the heat but remained to say nothing.

"I would understand," his soft voice cooed. "It's been a rather tough month with the Crimson Squad. With Operation Mi'ihen becoming an actuality, I guess everyone's a bit on edge. Even if it's not going to happen until around 9 months from now, they're still going to train us till we're run-down."

I shuddered a bit at the thought of the rigorous training that laid ahead. Kinoc knew of no limits with the fighting potential of the common human being. He wanted us to exceed our limits: to become proud warriors, a vicious and invincible force. 

Baralai laughed and looked at the young Paine, his eyes twinkling like the stars. He had noticed the brief shudder. "See? You are cold."

"Am not," the younger me replied hastily, trying someway to cover up the mishap.

"Don't lie," Baralai hummed softly. He gingerly took my wrists and guided me towards his warm chest. At first I was resistant, but Baralai's gentle and caring touch seemed to call out to me. To defy any rejection in my words and to only seek sympathizing gestures. Warmth embraced me, covered me, and seeped into my skin. I didn't realize how cold I was until Baralai's warm arms rested on my shoulders.

"Must you be so stubborn?" he asked, his liquid dark amber eyes still sparkling. 

I remained silent, enjoying the moment of warm darkness around me.

He continued, his voice still soft like a deep bell, but merry. "You know, I've got to take care of you. You're our little recorder. Can't have anything happen to you."

The young Paine flinched a bit at the word little. She lifted her head up from his chest and narrowed her eyes.

"I'm not _that small, you know," she snapped. "I'm only two years younger than you, that's all. Two years isn't __that long of a time.  Gippal's the same age as me, too!"_

Baralai laughed again, still holding me tightly. His curled smiling lips never leaving my mind. His amber eyes reminding me of the burning farewells of the sunset, somehow.

~ ~ ~

You had always pursued being my big brother, Baralai. Being warm and caring to me, always trying to make my life easier somehow. As if when you _looked_ into my eyes, you _instantly_ knew who I was. Maybe that's why I sometimes trembled when you looked at me...I was afraid of you seeing the whole me, the covers off, bare naked and baring all the scars of life. 

I felt so exposed.

But even so, your tender heart and your gentleness knew of no bounds; your kindness and understanding aided all of us in our own personal wars as well physical battles. Perhaps as you all were a replacement family to me, maybe I was a replacement of a sister you had once lost yourself. 

I wrapped my arms around myself. The wind had become bitterly cold and the sun had bid its farewells long ago. The night had come, the stars coming out of their daylight hiding places. I wonder what you're doing now, Baralai? Are you in your comfortable Yevon chair, thinking about what your next chess move will be? Are you wondering what Nooj is up to?

Or are you thinking about us, too?

Does it hurt you? Do you wish you could return back to those times? I wonder what you're feeling. I wonder what you're thinking...

The wind continued to cradle me, the sky being so unconditional in its acceptance. I wish I could just close my eyes, melt into the night and become one with the darkness. Why can't I forget? Why can't I let go? It annoys me...these memories are tying me down somehow. They're holding me back. Why can't I just break free from them? I'm strong enough, aren't I? 

I put my arm back to my side as my hand reaches to my throat. My gloved fingers fiddle to find the small silver pendant that I was given so long ago. In the middle, there is an upside down heart in it. I'm not sure it was supposed to be one, but it looked like one. I slowly withdrew my hand from my neck, and looked at the night sky for the last time. I didn't rub my arms anymore. There wasn't a need to attempt to warm myself. Even if the wind and the night was frosty, I couldn't feel a thing. I was numb.

Even if I had killed my heart and buried it in ice, I couldn't feel a thing.

I was numb.


	5. My Memories: Gippal

**Chapter 2:**

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**_My Memories_**

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**_Part II: Gippal_**

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****

"It's official. We've been burgled."

Annoyance. That's what I first felt. Annoyance, carelessness, stupidity. Mostly resent and malice towards LeBlanc when those feelings passed.

"And they took the broken sphere from Zanarkand with them," Shinra speculated.

I felt a lot of negative emotions right then and there. It was one thing being competitors for the same spheres, but it was a _total_ different matter busting into another Sphere Hunter's ship and stealing all of the bounty.

That's a thief's job.

Sphere Hunter's aren't _thieves, they're __hunters. You'd think that the woman would have enough honor to challenge us, at least. But I guess not. I think all that pink and terrible fashion taste had gone to her head. Made her stupid, somehow._

"They left this in its place."

The annoyance began to grow more in my chest as Buddy showed us a twice-ugly heart-decorated sphere reeking of LeBlanc. So she decided to leave us a short message. An even _more stupid and immature act to do. Now it even proves the haughty woman did it. _

When Buddy analyzed the sphere, we all saw LeBlanc's quirky figure right in the middle of it. The egotistical woman turned around and began to softly tap her fan by her thigh. "Who's on top now, Dullwings?" she laughed curtly, her fan jerking as she posed victorious in front of the sphere. She then shoved her make-up caked face into the sphere, causing me almost wanting to gag. Her voice shrieked, "You couldn't compete with LeBlanc in a thousand years!" 

I had to stifle from laughing hysterically at her last comment. _Compete?_ Did she think this was some kind of competition? Going into the ship while we are away and _stealing_ what was fair and square ours? This woman's idiocy was making me want to grind my teeth. If she liked to play dirty, then _damn_, we'll play twice as dirty.

"She's making fun of us," I found myself openly saying.

"Oh poopie!" Yuna hmphed, putting her hands on her hips and tilting her head. She was also annoyed. 

"Don't talk like that, Yuna!" Rikku squeaked behind her.

Yuna turned around, blinking and looking at Rikku, probably thinking along the lines of 'hypocrite'. "But I'm just copying you!" Yuna protested.

"That's nice. And?" I cut to the chase. We didn't have time to argue about our language. We had to decide how to get that sphere back, and _now._

~ ~ ~

The plan was to get three uniforms.

How I felt about this mission could only be expressed in one word: LAME.

Of course, Rikku and Brother had both agreed on this plan. As I had stated before that, when Brother and Rikku agree, _bad things happen_. I wasn't truly expecting to dress up as one of LeBlubberface's goons, but I guess there was no choice. She was too snobby to have a face-to-face talk with. And if we attacked her head on, now knowing of her honor, she would of just given the sphere to one of her goons to hide it with. We had to become _one of the goons to actually understand what was going on. _

I wasn't too thrilled with the idea of wearing those disgusting rosy uniforms but I really had no choice.

Buddy informed us that LeBlanc's main hideout was located within Guadosalam. Me and the rest of the Gullwings Gang went to the fallen Guado city to see what we could dig up. 

There we questioned every one who was residing there of LeBlanc's whereabouts. Where she had been, where she was going, what she was doing...everything. At first we couldn't make sense what was going on because they each give bits and pieces. But eventually we figured out that the three places that they were active: Gagazet, Bikanel, and Djose Temple. Most likely all on Sphere Hunts.

There was something about Djose Temple that gave me the chills. Something. I didn't know what. 

One thing I noticed about Rikku and Yuna, though, was their amazed facial expressions when we wandered through Guadosalam. Especially Yuna when we passed by that mansion on the west part of Guadosalam. Her face would go to a pasty white. Her eyes widened and frightened like a mouse. She was visibly trembling just at the sight of the mansion. It had been quite a while since I had seen her do that. It just so happened that it was the HQ of LeBlubberface. Though I doubted that LeBlubberface would stir that much fear in Yuna. There was something else. Something else I didn't know. Perhaps from her Pilgrimage. What the history of that mansion let alone what caused both Rikku and Yuna to tremble whenever near it, was beyond me.

When we boarded back at Celsius, we all sat down to plan where we would go next. By popular vote, we all decided on to go to Bikanel first. It had been Rikku's first Home and she was dying to visit it. Sort of like when Yuna returned to Besaid after two years. Rikku wanted to see what Bikanel was like. So, with that decided, we sped off into the direction of the desert island.

~ ~ ~

"They won't let us through," Yuna sighed.

"What?!" Rikku yelled over the sandstorm. "Fro dra Vynbmyha hud!?"

Yuna's disgruntled figure sighed again, her shoulders slumped. So you needed special permission to go around and play in the sand? What a sad place Spira had become. First Zanarkand, the city of the dead, becomes a _tourist spot_, now you have to pay to actually dig in some sand in Bikanel. Pathetic. 

Rikku seemed to be having a nostalgic moment being back on Bikanel. She looked around at the sand dunes excitedly yet mournfully. It was these sand dunes that she played on, enjoying her young life within the desert with the ever-playful Cactuars. Now looking at how much Bikanel had changed seemed to be a slap in the face for her. Since Home had been turned into ashes, it looked like all Bikanel really was, was just another moneymaking prospect. From what had been an abandoned island was now some sort of digging hotspot. A land of treasure of all sorts. Hoovers and many Al Bhed inhabited the place. However, we couldn't stick around to fully understand of the true transformation of Bikanel.

"They said something about needing a letter from this guy in Djose Temple."

I listened intently with my back turned to the two girls. I watched as the wind picked up the sand, causing a mild sandstorm. Sand grains flew like the sakura petals used to back where I lived. Though sand grains were much plainer and rougher than flower petals. I squinted hard to see if I could see anything above me. I couldn't see the sky very well here. And the sand was getting all over me: in my clothes, in my hair, in my eyes...

"So let's get going to Djose," I said impatiently, hoping they would get the message.

"Right," Yuna nodded, shielding her eyes from the blasting sand. "Let's get going!"

~ ~ ~

We were at the foot of Djose Temple. I looked up at the top of the temple, only to see the phenomenon temple was still in function. Thin, neon-blue thunderbolts stringed huge boulders from the temple and orbited. An amazing glitch of nature. The roads were still worn from walking and the red cliffs were still in check. Course dark green bushes grew sparsely and the faint smell of the sea lingered in the air. Everything about Djose was the same: except for the lack of monkeys and the atmosphere of holiness around it.

People were crawling all over the place. It was obviously another busy day for the registration for Bikanel. 

 "Why is everyone staring...?" Yuna felt herself meekly cringe a bit, feeling prying eyes stare her down. She wasn't used to the attention, being always a busy Sphere Hunter. She gloated the fame of defeating Sin the first few months before fame and fortune became old to her. Why she stopped using that fame was yet another thing I didn't understand about Yuna. She said that there was something missing and that she couldn't go on acting like she was happy. All I could guess was that it was the absence of this male that caused her the grief.

"You're the High Summoner, Yuna. Of course you're famous!"

"All I want is some peace and quiet..." Yuna sighed, shaking her head.

"Poor thing, she's lived such a sheltered life..." Rikku whispered to me. I felt myself smile a little.

"You think she's getting old?" I kiddingly asked Rikku. Rikku muffled a snicker.

"Who's getting old?!" Yuna turned around and yelled, her hands on her hips. Rikku smiled and said nothing. I just did the same.

All of a sudden, out of no where, a guy came walking towards us. I didn't really look at him, being too amused by Yuna's reaction to us assuming she was getting old. And even so, he didn't seem to be anyone of any importance of the moment. Or at least I guessed so. E fyc _jano_ fnuhk...

He past us, and though I didn't pay enough attention to him Yuna and Rikku sure did. Yuna watched him with curious eyes as Rikku leaned over her and whispered. When I had had my fill inspecting the place, there was something alluring about the figure that had his back to us. Something. I couldn't really pin my finger on it, but it was there. I kept staring at the figure. From his backside, all I could really see about him was golden spiky hair. Erect needles standing right on top of his head. Who did this guy think he was, walking in so arrogantly like that? By the time he reached the stairs of Djose Temple, he turned around and announced.

"We're startin' the interviews, so let's get with it!"

My heart seemed to pause beating for a brief moment. Was that who I thought it was? Hu, ed luimth'd pa...Although the Deathseeker Nooj made himself quite famous being the leader of the Youth League, and likewise with Baralai with New Yevon...but it had been forever since I had seen him. He had changed...

I found a familiar tug at my heart, a yell was crawling out of my throat, wanting to scream, "Gippal, ynah'd oui kuehk du cyo rammu, tayn vneaht?" Though I stopped myself. What was the past, was _the past_. We had shared fights, tears, and victories together...but now it was different, all different.

~ ~ ~

After we had figured out how Djose worked, the three of us had separated to do our own things. Yuna stood patiently in line for the registration. Rikku had run off to flirt with one of the Al Bhed guards. And me? I went to the bridge with the other treasure-hunters and looked out to sea. I wasn't much into crowds and talking, so the only solitary place I could find peace was the sea.

I closed my eyes and gave into the sweet song of the ocean. The mumbling and gibberish of the people around me drowned out and all I could hear was the sweet soft sighing of the waves...Sea green, wasn't it? No, it was more of a Cactuar green. But sometimes when the sunset beam shined just right in the ocean, the sea would turn into your glorious emerald.

~ ~ ~

"Man, Luca's huge!" Gippal gaped, his lone emerald eye as big as a quarter.

"You've never been here before?" Baralai asked, his face inquisitive.

"A few times, when I was younger," Gippal admitted. "Came to see the Al Bhed Psyches go at it. But...it's bigger than what I remembered." He glanced at the flamboyantly colored balloons reach out to the sky, the tall buildings joining with it, and voices yelling on Sphere-TV's and radios, announcing Blitzball's winnings and losings as well as news. 

Crowds and crowds of people where there, hustling and bustling, shoving and pushing, screaming and talking. Many of them were rabid Blitzball fans that ran around Luca trying to get autographs from their favorite Blitzball stars. The others that speckled the crowd were either residents, merchants or Crusaders. I could see Gippal's amazement grow as we walked down the brick road from our ship. Both Baralai and Gippal caught a glimpse of a Sphere-TV and flocked to it with eager anticipation.

"You little boys are always so easily amused," Nooj laughed to himself, watching them scamper and strain themselves to hear the spheretelevision.

"Hey!" Gippal whipped around, offended. "Watch who you're calling 'little', buster. Must I remind you that it was *I* who saved you the other day from that monstrous fiend?"

"I didn't ask for your help," Nooj snapped back at Gippal, an annoyed look in his eye.

"Hey, look!" Baralai pointed at the Sphere-TV, oblivious of Nooj and Gippal's argument earlier. "The Besaid Aurochs actually made it to the finals!"

"Whoa, you serious?" Gippal whipped back around, staring at the blue rippling screen. "The Besaid Aurochs? Are you sure?"

"I'm sure! Look!" Baralai pointed to where the Auroch trademark was on the lower right of the television. It was right next to the Luca Goers trademark, proving the showdown.

"Aw man, so the Al Bhed Psyches didn't make it?" Gippal mocked a sniffle, and slumped his shoulders.

Nooj looked at the two blitz-stricken boys and shook his head, muttering to himself. "Still a bunch of boys after all..."

~ ~ ~ 

I was standing on a dock, overlooking the sapphire sea. Seagulls called out repetitively and flew around in circles. The waves crashed against the supportive poles of the dock. The sea smelt delicious, enticing. It was a beautiful day out in Luca and the sun shone brightly and cloudless. I sat down on the dock, swinging my legs off the ledge and observing my own rippling reflection. 

I could see the young Paine through the fuzziness of the memory. The large ruby eyes full of innocence, curled hair that cascaded over her shoulders, rouge full lips, but with a sad smile. I looked at my reflection for a long time, so long that I didn't even detect footfalls behind me.

"Always running off by yourself, aren't you?"

I spun my head to see Gippal with his hands on his waist, standing only a few feet away from me. His posture proud, slightly arrogant if I could say. His lips curled into a wry smile. I could already see the inner workings of Gippal in that lone forest-green eye of his, and I didn't like what was going on in there.

"When are you going to sit still one of these days?" His one green eye gazing at me, his smile obviously mischievous. "You do realize that we may be left with our last resorts if you keep running off."

My eyes narrowed at the sea horizon. My voice low and cold when I responded. I was beginning to adapt the ways of an emotionless warrior. "And those last resorts are?"

I could almost see the smile break out into a grin from behind me. "Handcuffing and chains, of course."

I flinched, unable to stop myself. "Excuse me?"

"We'll have to handcuff you to one of us to keep you still," I could hear him chuckling. "Hey, what's the matter?" His chuckle grew increasingly annoying.  "What did you think I meant?"

There was a long string of silence. None of us moved or said a thing to each other. The droning voice from the Blitzball stadium was the only conscious noise in this now-dead conversation. Gippal began snickering again, pretending he just caught on to something. "Oooh, I see now...what a naughty girl you are, Paine."

"What in the Ifirit do you mean by that?!" I snapped from behind.

His chuckling soon turned into laughter. The footfalls came closer as I heard the laugh grow louder and more heartily. I felt myself grow hot, feeling mortified of the many perverted things that Gippal had just accused me of. Either way, I had to somehow buck this feeling off. It wasn't good for a warrior to lose her cool. This was yet another practice lesson, another test, for me to reform myself into a fighter.

The young Paine turned over her shoulder, an annoyed sigh escaping her lips yet she had kept her cool. "You know, I do need a few days off from babysitting all three of you every once in a while, right? So please, spare me the jokes."

"Cilr y lida kenm oui yna, Paine. Ymfyoc bmyoehk rynt du kad, ynah'd oui?" Gippal chuckled the last bits of his laugh, standing right next to me on the dock.

I growled. "You know how much I hate it when you talk in Al Bhed."

Gippal tilted his head innocently, mocking confusion. "Why, Paine, why-ever so?"

"I don't understand it. For all I know, you just insulted me in Al Bhed."

Gippal laughed again. "Far from it."

"Whatever," I responded coldly, bringing my knees up to my chest and hugging them.

"Okay, fine. Maybe I'll teach you some Al Bhed. Would that make you feel better?"

My face lit up for the first time in ages. My hair whooshed as my head snapped around. "You mean it?"

"Of course I mean it."

"Okay, then!"

"All right," Gippal's face turned serious. He stood proudly and began to act pompously, as if he was some kind of Yevon Priest Professor. "First lesson, Miss Paine...is this: Gippal ec uha ramm'ijy caqo paycd."

"Gippal ec uha ramm'ijy caqo paycd...It has your name in it. What did I just say?"

"You said 'Gippal, you are a Sphere Hunter'."

My brows furrowed and my eyes silted suspiciously. "Why do I not believe that?"

Before he could even comply, I heard Nooj's irritated voice yell out. "Gippal! What the Bahamut are you doing over there! Get back here and to your post, you moron!"

Gippal growled and turned away from the youthful Paine. After a few steps away from me, he turned around briskly with a happy smile on his face. 

"Oh yeah, and one last phrase for lesson 1," Gippal cheerfully said.

I turned around to watch him go. "And that is?"

"Nooj ec yh yccruma."

I tilted my head, "Nooj ec yh yccruma...And what does that mean?"

"I'll tell you later," he snickered again, his back to me and walking away from me. I could only guess it was something insulting, because it had Nooj's name in it.

"Caa oy."

~ ~ ~

It had only taken me a few months before I could speak Al Bhed fluently. With that achieved, it no longer bothered me when others conversed in Al Bhed around me.  My arduous studying had paid off when I realized I could understand the most complicated of Al Bhed phrases. I even could translate - without hesitation - Gippal's string of curses whenever Nooj had caught him slacking. Even so, under the guidance of Gippal's teaching, I had religiously memorized the my first two phrases Gippal had given me. I kept studying in hopes that "lesson 2" would come soon. Lesson 2 never came. What only came, was the realization of what Gippal really made me say.

"Gippal is one hell'uva sexy beast".

And "Nooj is an asshole".


	6. My Memories: Nooj

**Chapter 2:**

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**_My Memories_**

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**_Part III: Nooj_**

I was in a world of my own  Adrift on the euphonious harmony of the sea.  Almost sensing the waves lovesome arms hold me.  I wanted to stay in that place forever.  On that port...with just Gippal by me. Clutching to the tender security of their indisputable companionship.  It took only a high-pitched outcry that ruptured my fragile imaginary world and harshly returned me back to reality.

It was when the glass-shards of my ideal world began to crumble away that I noticed the commotion around me.  The sounds of my current position began to grow louder and unavoidable.  Fragments of words reached my ears and I slowly began to realize that I was no longer alone with Gippal anymore.  The penetrating sounds hammered at my delicate illusion and with an emphatic force aroused my senses from their break.  My ears began to pick up strings of conversations that surrounded me as thunking footsteps of passer-bys floated nearby.  The fragile threads of memory began to recede and the emotions withdrew with it. What had once been an idle Luca port had slowly faded into Djose bridge.  Leaving me far from Luca and close to where I was now. Gippal's standing figure vanished from beside me and all of a sudden - I was back to myself....alone.

_ ****_

I blinked a little, adjusting my senses once again to my environment.  For a brief second there, I had left myself vulnerable.  I growled at my day-dreaming and turned away from the oceanic horizon. Turbulent, unanswered emotions clawed at my mind; stirring up inside of my stomach and leaving certain imprints of Gippal's smirk in my brain.  My eyebrow twitched a little out of irritation, and I just mumbled to myself as I stepped off the bridge.

~ ~ ~

"I got it!" Yuna cheered, holding up a registration paper. "Now all we have to do is talk to Gippal."  Her smile was wide and excitement exaggerated her features.  When I nodded my consent, we began walking towards the two guards of the large, azure-stoned gates of Djose.

Rikku chuckled jitterly as she followed closely behind me.

"Oh man, oh man, oh man, oh man..." She repeated to herself as her arms jerked and her fingers twitched.

"What's wrong with you?" I lightly asked.  I turned my head and one of my garnet eyes focused on the flinching young Al Bhed. I arched an eyebrow as I watched Rikku quizically.  She darted back and forth, looking bewildered and disoriented.  She could  almost resemble a monkey that had been left in the Thunder Plains.

"Gippal's in there," she murmured.

I blinked and allowed the sentence register in my brain and compute.  Rikku was afraid of Gippal?  Now _that had got to been the most funniest thing I've heard in a while.  I bit my tongue from cracking up hysterically.  Even if Rikku and I were polar opposites, I still cherished her as a friend and respected her...even if she had 46 points._

"...If you're already scared of some big shot, then you might as well retire from the Gullwings already," I said coldly but not meaning to.  The intention was to somehow provoke Rikku.  Usually provoking her made her defensive and offensive at the time and allowing her brain to block out any anxieties she had.  I often used this technique whenever we challenged snake-like fiends.  Noting her fear for the slithering reptiles.  

"Hey!" Rikku stomped, her scarf whipping from left to right. "Afraid? Of _him?  Who are you kidding!"  She broke out into a determined run to catch up with Yuna.  She was already pumped with a defensive attitude.  Mission complete._

~ ~ ~

Gippal came prowling around the bridge after Yuna had asked for an interview.  He acted like he owned the place - which, technically, _he did_ - but he went overboard with his confidence.  As he walked, I could tell that his only eye was focusing on Yuna.  He didn't even see me as he passed.  Just like with Baralai.  As if I didn't exist.

 "Mmm...never been this close to a celebrity before."  
  
Yuna's eyes widened in surprise as she leaned backwards as he leaned forwards to her.  "That's nice."  
  
Gippal looked smug, his eye sizing Yuna up.  His arms crossed on his chest and his foot resting on his knee like a retarded flamingo.  He _still hadn't grown up over the years.  "I could get used to this."  
  
"Let's not," Yuna fumbled her words, surprised by this man's daunting self-assurance.  
  
Before Yuna could ever really respond to Gippal, he turned almost instantly to face Rikku.  A wide smile overtaking his facial features. "Yo! What's up with Cid's lil girl?" He put both of his hands on her head and ruffling her hair in an affectionate manner._

"I have a name, you know," Rikku whined a bit, soothing the misplaced strands.  
  
"Brother doin' okay?"  
  
"Same as always, Buddy's around too," Rikku replied, grinning her head off.  
  
"Same as always," Gippal's smile turned into a smirk as he turned to face the third comrade of this group.  Namely...me.  
  
"And... you!?"

Gippal jolted backward, his jade eye widened with surprise as he stared at me.  His right foot behind him as his back bended backwards a little from shock.  We both stood there for a moment.  Stuck in some kind of time epoch.  His swirled emerald eye weakly returning the gaze of my own vermillion.  I remained to stand coldly and distantly, unfazed by his quirky and melodramatic behavior.  While at the same time Gippal looked like he had been just taken off a roller coaster or slapped in the face.  So, he finally noticed me?  I wonder why he's staring at me like that...

Whatever the case, I decided to avoid questions with Yuna and Rikku, and plausibly him, so I pretended it was our first time meeting.  
  
"My name is Paine. Nice to meet you," I broke the silence in cold blood.  It took a while for the words to decipher themselves in his brain to produce a reaction.  His face flushed with - could of it been pain? - an emotion and as his eye softened at the visage of me.  
  
"Uh huh..." he said disheartened, the silence droning on between us.  
  
"I thought we were going to have an interview," I curtly mentioned, my eyes vicious and sharp if he tried anything.  He looked like he was too much in shock to really attempt his usual flirtatious pranks.  In that one green eye, I realized that he was caught up in his mind and heart right now.  As if there were any trival issues about me, right?  
  
"Er... right," Gippal resumed his haughty posture and acted as if nothing had ever gone wrong.  Already hiding things, are you, Gippal?

~ ~ ~ 

The conversation between us four went on for only a little while.  We had discovered more of Machine Faction's purpose and why it had mysteriously owned Bikanel Island.  We were soon hired to dig for machine parts and Yuna happily thanked Gippal before leaving.

As we walked down the bridge, I couldn't help but think of Gippal's reaction.  Was it wrong?  Should I wrapped my arms around his neck and said _hello?  ...No.  Why can't I get this through my head?  What happened in the past, _was the past_.  In this present, we are just mere strangers._

So why does my heart hurt like this?

Why am I feeling like this?

_What am I feeling?_

I shook my head briskily.  I didn't have time to welter in heart inconveniences.  Immediately, I smothered any rueful pleas or swears of devotion from my heart.  There were much more important incommodes that needed to be tended to.  Such as getting one of LeBlubberface's uniforms.  If one of her destinations was Bikanel Island, then surely she would be around Djose Temple to retrieve a registration.  Or at least some of her goons would.  As I turned my head back and forth, I couldn't detect any distinguishing vomit green or gagging pink clothing.  None of those ill-mannered bastards anywhere.  So where would they be?

I leaned against the rim of the bridge, ignoring the excited chatter among wanna-be Sphere Hunters and treasure hunters. Yuna was talking to the other registered diggers for some tips before we went off.  As for Rikku?  She had taken interest in the lonely monkey on the opposite side of where I was.  I looked out to sea, watching the endless dark blue touch the familiar endless cyan I was used to.  I let myself sink into the soft lullaby of the sea's ebb and flow.  I tried to relax, open my mind to possibilities of where those goons could be.

"Selfish bastards." I heard a man mumble, passing by me.  He was followed by two other men who seemed just as peeved.

"Thinking they could take over those hovers.  Who do they think they are?  Lost a god damned sphere, they keep saying.  Well, why don't they go out and LOOK for it?  Why do they have to take over the hovers?"

Spheres?

"Hey, man, calm down.  I'm sure there's a back road somewhere."

"Back road?  They have the hovers both _to and __back!"_

"Aw, man!" the third one whined. "So when are we going to be able to get back?"

"I don't know," the first one growled, walking in the direction of the Djose Temple.

Hmm.  Selfish.  Bastards. Sphere?  These could only lead up to one thing.  It has to be one of LeBlanc's gang.

I turned around swiftly and walked past all of the blabbering trios.  Well, at least we have one lead to a uniform.

~ ~ ~

"Score!"

Rikku bobbed her head as we exited the Highroad.  

"Did you see their faces?" Rikku went on, her evil giggling going off.  "We sure paid _them back for stealing _our_ sphere!"  She began to laugh almost maniacally now.  It was beginning to frighten the Youth League members.  I wonder if someone gave her some sugar? "And just think, we still have two uniforms to steal from them!!"_

"No one messes with the Gullwings," Yuna laughed, her own tinging with insanity.  _"No one!"_

"Back to reality, please," I testily snapped at them before they fully lost their marbles.

However, Rikku wasn't even listening.  If anything, her adrenaline-drugged sugar high just skyrocketed even further, dragging Yuna into the yellow and orange insanity of her own cerebrum.  Her blonde hair went every-which way as she bounced up and down pumped with endorphines. "We kicked their ASSES!"

Yuna began to develope the same symptoms of hyperactivity.  This wasn't good. "I wonder if we'll see our bootmarks on their bottoms next time we'll see them?"

"Oh, that'd be AWESOME!  That's when we whip out a black marker and put 'the Gullwings were here!'"

"Let's just board ship, _okay?_ Okay," I growled, as I started towards the Save Sphere.  As soon as Rikku had even heard the slightest click of my heel against the ground, she whipped around and started darting towards the blue Saturn-like sphere.  

"Yeah! Let's get going to Bikanel to open some more whoop ass!" Rikku ran past me and immediately boarded ship, leaving trails of black smoke from where she first stood. 

Yuna ran too, muffled giggles as she went. "Come on, Paine! Let's go check out what this Sphere is of!"  And in a snap, Yuna was engulfed by black smoke and was also teleported to the Celsius.

Oi.

As I neared the sphere, I heard a familiar voice call out my name.  Rushed footsteps neared me and I felt the hairs on the back of my neck rise.  I never liked it when someone came up from behind me.  For some reason, it had become a primal instinct.

"Paine!  Miss Paine!"

The voice echoed through the rock walls.  The voice sounded eager and of one that I had just heard the other day.  If only I could pin who it was.  I stopped right before the Save Sphere and turned around cooly.  I saw Yaibal's figure bumbling in my direction.  I crossed my arms over my chest, shifting my weight to the right and my head tilted, listening and waiting in silence.

"Miss Paine," he cried as he finally reached me, panting as his hands were on his knees to catch his breath.  After around 30 seconds, he stood straight up and gave me the Youth League salute. "Miss Paine, General Lucil wishes to speak with you."

"Lucil?  With what?"

"Paine!" Brother's annoying voice screeched on my earphone. "What's taking you so long?!"

"Hold on," I replied.  I turned to Yaibal's half-amored face. "Does this conference involve spheres?"

"Well, I-" Yaibal started, uncertanity clinging to the tone of his voice.

"If it doesn't, then you can count me out," I instantaneously answered his partial response.  I wasn't in the mood to play around anymore than I already had.  I turned around to walk back to the Save Sphere until I heard Yaibal's voice try to convince me again.  

"It could involve a sphere," he hastily offered.  He really seemed desperate.

I turned around again, my interest mildly sparked.  I waited for a while thinking of how to respond and how to handle the situation.  When the plan had finally occured to me, I picked up my reciever from it's clipped place on my shirt.  "Then excuse me, I'm going to inform the others." I took a deep breath to order Brother to send Yuna and Rikku down, but I was abruptly obstructed.

"Miss Paine! I am sorry, but I cannot allow you to do that.  I have strict orders that only _you_ can come."

I paused my order and raised my eyebrow.  "Only me?  What is this all about?"

He nervously bowed, realizing that this vague calling was getting on my nerves. "I do not know, Miss Paine.  I was only given orders to summon you."

I stared at him hard, my garnet eyes never ceasing their intensity.  Immediately he felt intimidated and he began to jitter a bit.  My eyes never left him as I walked past his visble trembling visage.  I finally stopped my glare as I turned my head to face what was ahead of me.  "This better be good," I lowly said, after I was a few inches away from the frozen Yaibal.  He flinched a bit before actually accompanying me.

~ ~ ~

"Miss Paine," Lucil bowed while I stood in front of Youth League's pad.  The music of the place flared childishly and it grated on my nerves.  Youth League members ran about in disorganized groups, swearing war and fights upon New Yevon like little children who had been given a toy gun.  They all seemed hot blooded and unbelievably juvenile.  I wonder how Lucil could put up with all of this?  I knew I wouldn't have the patience to let these idiots run around aimlessly.  It's hard enough living with Rikku when she's excited.  Even so, if I was alone with these rookies I'd whip them all into shape without showing a shred of mercy.  As I walked through this flood of rebellious young people, I saw the familiar flash of red of Lucil's hair.  As I pushed through the masses the hair soon trailed to a head which eventually connected to a purple-suited body.  When I had finally reached to the enterance of the tent, Lucil greeted me with a salute and a cordial nod. I just remained to say nothing, waiting for her to already announce by purpose of being here.

"Thank you for coming on such short notice," she graciously said, her determined brown eyes fearlessly looking into my own.  Her posture was straight and proud, obviously she had much more maturity than what these so-called warrior newbies griped to be.  My respect for her began to grow.

"What do we need to discuss?" I cut to the chase.  As much as I am thrown into social state of affairs, I always disliked it.  My intuition said there was something about this that didn't seem right.  Private conferences, ones like these, always hid something that were linked to my weakness; veiling turmoil through fake good-will and pleasantry.  I already had enough to deal with just searching for the reason why the Crimson Squad - _my family - had been so brutally killed.  And then there's that Vegnagun on top of it.  Which, I knew in time, Yuna would gradually take matters into her own hands.  _

"The Meyvn would like a private conference," Lucil gave me the Youth League salute again, though I didn't know what the point of cosntantly doing it was.  "Please follow me."

So Nooj wanted a talk, eh?  I wonder what this is all about.  It better not be an offer to turn against Baralai. That's something I would never do.  I don't care what circumstances, or whatever posessed Baralai to be a part of that accursed New Yevon, I would never turn against that angel.  

~ ~ ~

"Thank you, Lucil. You may be dismissed," Nooj quietly ordered the headstrong general, and she gave him the salute before departing.

I turned off the reciever - my only connection with the Gullwings - and clipped it on one of my belts to remind myself to turn it on later. I didn't want any part of this conversation to leak out if Brother decided to once again start harping on my earphone.  My blood-colored ice chips rested on Nooj, who had his back to me.  

"What's this about?" I sardonically asked, my arms already crossed at my chest and my posture aggressive.

Nooj turned to me, his brown gaze centering on my countenance.  "Nothing of business, if that's what you're concerned about."  
  


"Spit it out, I don't have all day."

"A bit testy, aren't we Paine?"

It had been forever since I had heard Nooj said my name.  When the familiar syllables and tone had reached my ears fully, I was taken aback.  My eyes widened as he fully turned to me, a soft smile on his face.  His free hand gingerly took the spectacles off his nose as his smile never faded.

My head turned to the side, not being able to really look him in the eye.  Usually the spectacles served as an obstruction from his eyes but now that they were gone...well...I just couldn't find it in myself to return the gaze.  "Whatever.  Could we please get to what you wanted to say?"

"Say?" he frowned a bit. "It wasn't really merely something that needed to be said, but time that needed to be spent."

My face remained expressionless, my lips pursed and my body tensed.  My eyes darted back to him. "Right.  Riddles.  Well, if that's all you have to say, then I'll be going."  I released my arms and hands and started forward to the exit of the tent.

"Paine, please wait," Nooj limped towards the exit trying to stop me.  But the machina in him wouldn't let him react fast enough.

I stopped only a few feet away from the tent's opening, my back to him. My voice assertive yet soft. "What now?"

"I just wanted to talk to you," his voice was uncharacteristically gentle.  In a split second, his cooing voice had hardened and held back anger. "But if you're just going to run away like this.."

I turned around suavely, my face turning to him as my garnet optics narrowed on his mnaly features.  My heart pounded on my icy exterior, yelling at me for being so cruel and apathetic towards an old ally.  I wasn't ready to go all-out mushy on Nooj, but I did consider some of the suggestions my sensitive half requested.

"I'm sorry, Nooj," I said quietly; so quiet I could almost avoid hearing myself say such words.  "It's just that..."

Nooj wobbled over to me, his eyes resting on me as my head lowered. The angered ire and disappointment had instantaneously been vanquished in his voice when he heard my barely audible apology.  "It's all right.  Avoiding reunion is avoiding emotional outbreak, right?"

My face was still turned to the side.  I was staring at the floor hearing his once-more unnatural gentle voice behind me.  I just couldn't look at him like this.  Especially when he could guess what I was trying to escape from when I hadn't even given him the slightest clue.  My emotions were unstable and wild; I couldn't control them anymore.  When this happened, I would always try to elusively hide my eyes.  I knew that they would give me away.  "That's one way of putting it," I mumbled.

I felt a hand on my shoulder.  The cloth warm and the gesture affectionate.  He softly gripped my shoulder for what it seemed to be reassurance.  But I didn't need reassurance.  I needed to get out of here.  In my heart, though, I knew I had to face up to whatever was coming and get this over with.  My head lifted up slowly and I was eye to eye with Nooj.  

"I understand," his voice was kind and reassuring.  "It's just that, the other day, this...... I found a sphere that was left in that old recorder you used to have.  And, well.  To put it bluntly, I just had to see you."

I could feel my own expression soften.  The hard exterior slowly - agonizingly - crumbling away.  I couldn't stop it.  I couldn't hold back the flooding emotions much longer. 

Nooj's hand withdrew from my shoulder but his bark-colored eyes still looked at me.  

"I know things have changed now.  It seems that change has hit you the hardest, though."

"What do you mean by that?" I threateningly growled.  I felt like I was being multilated by the inside and being examined.  The violating feeling wasn't pleasant at all.

Nooj laughed heartily - something that I haven't heard him do in ages.  The labrotory metaphor soon turned into something more manipulative and deceptive.  I was no longer on a lab table but in some kind of game he was plotting.  Spreading out the game pieces and using me as his prime pawn.  Though somehow, while my mind deducted that reasoning, the rest of my body percieved this all to be a very homey welcome.  Perhaps even an emotional refuge for a brief respite.

"You know, even if we all do go down our own paths...there's just a few things I can't forget about what we shared," he smiled again at me.  "Come, let's go to the balcony.  I promise it won't take long."

~ ~ ~

I was now facing the sea again.  Watching the seagulls fly around and the waves crash against the red earth.  Nooj stood right at the tip of the balcony, his eyes focusing on the sun's descent.

"Paine.  Do you remember the day when Sin attacked, and they put this machina in me?"

My arms - no longer in their usual crossed position - relaxed and rested at my sides.  Waves of potent fear coursed through my veins when he recalled that memory.  Flashes of white, red, and screams filled my head.  My eyes grew wide with the terror of the fuzzy images...

Nooj had been the strongest and eldest fighter out of all of us.  At the robust and manly age of 19, he was headstrong and picky with his friends and enemies.  How he accepted me into his posse was beyond me.  I was only a newbie when that unfortunate accident happened to Nooj.  Even so, I was still an emotional young teenager and I had grown very attached to each of them.  I needed something to cling onto.  Something to keep me going.  I wasn't sure what I was investing my emotions into when I loved them as my family, but I felt I had nothing else to lose.  Except if one of them died.  Then perhaps I just might lose my _mind._

Gippal came running to me that day.  His body jerking unnaturally and frantically.  Screaming my name in a hoarse, desperate voice.  When I came face-to-face to him, it looked like he had been crying.  His eyes were bloodshot red and his lip quivered.  Wet slicks were on his precious cheekbones and his glittering smile was absent.   His body trembled in tremors I've never seen before.  His voice was bogged down from his chocking and he couldn't spreak right.

"Nooj--" he brokenly said. "Nooj--he's--he's--trouble--he's in--trouble."

My heart flipped and did somersaults when I heard this.  Nooj?  Our leader?  Our strong, unbreakable, undying leader?  When those words fully hit me, my stability was shattered.  I myself began to break down, trembling as violently as Gippal had.

"Where is he?! Take me to him!"

I remember how Gippal rushed me to the Infirmary tent.  How Baralai stood in front of the tent, his face in his hands and silent.  I remember the soft beeping of the emergency room when I went in.  I could sense, feel, _taste_ the fear.  White.  Everything was white.  Bright lights were scattered everywhere and I couldn't see right.  The lights were not Baralai's comforting snowy-hue, but blazing and glaring.  Blinding.  Unyeilding.  _Hiding._  The heavy scent of medicine washed my senses and left me dizzy.  My emotions causing adrenaline to pump it's way through me.  I heard nurses and doctors rush by, yelling orders and screaming for tools.  And through this noise, I could hear muffled crying.  Pained moans.  My heart began to beat faster as I pushed my way through the crowds, following that soft murmuring.  I wanted to see Nooj so badly.  I wanted to see what Sin had done.  I wanted to see if Nooj had a chance to make it.

Then, that's when I saw him.  Nooj.  He was on a silver, metal table, screaming in agony.  Blood pouring in trickling waterfalls on the floor.  _His blood.  __His blood was on all of the nurses hands.  __His blood is what covered his beautiful face.  _His _blood that made this white room...red.  I knew that to have that much blood loss one wouldn't be able to make it.  I strained to see his face.  It was contorted with misery.  That smile, those glittering eyes, were now disguised by hurt.  I could hear him moaning, crying....screaming._

Seeing him like that was unbearable for me.  I squirmed from where-ever I had been and ran to him, reguardless of the nurses and the doctors.  Nooj needed someone by him.  Nooj needed someone to hold his hand despite he would refuse it.  I wanted to know that we were here.  He was also an orphan...and to die alone like that...I didn't want to allow that.  I wasn't even going to _allow him to die.  I had...shed my first few tears since my parent's death in that stuffy hospital room.  It was strange; feeling the water slide down my cheeks when I tried so hard to block out any feeling at all.  The last time I had cried I was broken and wishing to die.  Now?  The tears were flowing just to bring life. I had to keep strong, though.  I had to stay strong for Nooj._

I remained silent as I walked to his side.  His body was twitching from the torn nerves and blood loss.  He was grunting agonizingly as his eyes shut.  My eyes were watering again just looking at his helpless figure.  This was Nooj.  _The_ Nooj.  The cranky leader of our posse.  The relentless fighter of the war.  The unwavering soldier.  He was the stuff stability was made out of.  He was _strength.  All of that reduced to a bleeding, shaking body.  He had to make it.  He was strong enough, wasn't he?  He couldn't leave us.  I won't _let him leave us!_  I gingerly took his clenching fist and soothed him with cooing words and caresses.  My eyes still stared at his grimacing face. While doing so, I felt myself gasp.  When my eyes trailed down to see where it was bleeding, I noticed that...Nooj's arm...and leg...had been ripped off.  The blood that were pouring out was too much.  _

Too much to realize he doesn't have a chance to live.

"Nooj," I said in broken sobs. "Nooj, it's me! I'm here, Nooj!" My other hand soon wrapped itself around his quivering fingers.  "Don't be scared, Nooj...I'm here."

Nooj screamed, arching his back and flows of tears ran down his eyes.  

"Nooj, can you hear me?" I said louder.  "Nooj!  Nooj, I'm here! Nooj, you aren't alone!"

And that moment, his head turned to me.  Tear-filled eyes looked at me, crying for me, wishing to be released from this unspeakable trauma.  

"Nooj," I said again, my ruby eyes leaking out diamonds.  "Nooj...please don't die," I begged.  "Please don't.  I don't know what I'd do if--if you'd go.  Please!" My tear-stained face lowered and against his hand as I continued to cling. "We all need you! _I _need you!"

I didn't look up.  I felt too shamed as my strength gave way, leaving the diamonds to come out like waterfalls.  Just then, I felt a squeeze.  It was weak, subtle even...but I felt it.  Nooj was holding my hand.  I squeezed gently back.  I didn't lift my head, but kneeled there by his side from what it seemed to be an eternity.  His screams being less frequent, and all of this began to meld into a dream.  The sounds of the nurses rushing and doctors shouting began to grow far from me.  I could only feel Nooj's touch, Nooj's feeble attempt to assure he was going to make it.  I was only concentrating on that.  On bringing Nooj back.  As everything grew far away from me...I began to really wonder...

Was this real?

Of course not.  This couldn't be happening. 

It was too surreal to believe...

I blinked as reality seeped through my skin again.  The memory began to vanish with the rushing nurses and the frenzied doctors.  The burning questions of _could it be real? left my mind as well as the panic.  I looked to the right of me, seeing Nooj's penetrating eyes observe me, speculate what was going on through my mind._

"All too well," the words escaped from my voice.

Nooj nodded. "So do I."  There was a period of silence, before he began to talk again.  "...But there was something I never told you of that day, Paine.  Perhaps you could call it pride, or maybe I was delusioned that we'd never separate like we have.  But..."

My body turned all the way to face him.  I now was staring at him whole.  What was he trying to say...?

He turned his face away from me.  His eyes trailing to the floor as he obviously struggled to manage to say the words.

"When I was on that operating table, a lot of things went through my mind.  Loves, family, friends...Back then, I didn't really realize how much I had an impact on everyone.  I mean, _aside_ from my status, of course.  I had always thought that many of the Crusaders revered me as the strongest, the most powerful...and thus by Crusader nature, they worshipped me as their idol.  But I really wondered...did anyone care to know the person behind the Crusader status?  Were there people out there that admired _Nooj, instead of _Nooj_ the _Crusader?_  I began to really wonder about people's affections and links to me.  Even now, I am just truly worshipped by this mob of kids because I am the __Meyvn Nooj.  The __Meyvn gives them purpose.  The _Meyvn_ knows the answers.  The __Meyvn will win them glory.  But what of Nooj?  What of _me?_ _

"Even through these silly little fan clubs these Youth League members create, or the ridiculous flattering things they say to me, or the crazy fan girls that wait everyday at the enterance of this tent...what really stayed true, was when I saw you on that medical table.

"Back at Crusader HQ, everyone was breaking down, yes.  I knew they would.  'The most powerful Crusader fallen? - dear me, what are we to do!'" he mocked, his voice squeaky and portraying one of a damsel in distress. "'Without him, what are we to do?!' They all crumbled from the lack of _Nooj the __Crusader's promise of stability and forever of being the Unfallen.  But who was there to catch the falling Nooj? No one.  Or at least I had assumed so._

"But then, you came along.  With Gippal...and Baralai...But when I opened my eyes, wishing for death...I saw your face. I saw your eyes.  I saw that you were..._crying for me."_

How embarrassing...how he remembers that.

"And not for the Crusader.  But for_ me.  It was...a pleasant surprise.  You had come to me, you had seeked to comfort me.  Not because I was the most popular Crusader, but because I was _me_."_

I paused, my eyes remaining hard and clouded.

"I never forgot that," he quietly said, looking out to sea. "I never forgot seeing you there in my most desperate hour of need.  Of seeing you there, Baralai, Gippal...all of you.  Beside me."  He flushed crimson for a brief second. "I guess, what I really wished to tell you was.  That it was because of you all, that I'm here.  That I'm alive."

"Nooj...I..."  


	7. Falling Out Of Heaven

**Author's Note:** Wow, it's been a while since I've updated!  Thank you for all of your reviews, everyone, and I'm going to keep trying to complete this story!!  Oh, side note: Baralai's going to have a little fun in these few chapters…don't think Gippal and Nooj are going to be happy about that.

Paine: This is insane…I feel like I'm on a reality show.

Gippal: Reality show?  That's when they try to find someone's soul mate! Everyone knows, Paine, that **I'm your soul mate!**

Baralai: You are NOT!

Gippal: I am TOO!

Baralai: NOT!

Gippal: TOO!

Baralai: NOT!

Gippal: TOO!

Baralai: I showed more affection than you did!

Gippal: I am sexier than you!

Baralai: I'm a nicer person than you!

Gippal: GRR! *tackles Baralai* She's MINE!

Baralai: No, MINE!

Nooj: *watches the two make idiots out of themselves and takes advantage of the opportunity* …Hey, Paine, let's get out of here.

Paine: …

****

****

**Chapter 7:**

****

**_Falling out of Heaven_**

_I'm grateful you're here today._

Austere. Stark. Completely unworthy of Nooj's exposed passion.

Even if it was aforementioned honestly and without regret.

Still, it didn't feel..._enough._

After Nooj had dissected his body and revealed his soul for an ephemeral moment...those were the only words procurable.  My disposed courage allowed _only_ those words to be said.  It's not that I _could say more on the account, but more that it was an avowedly hassle to reveal more._

That's all I could tell him.

**_...just grateful you're here today._**

****

I shook my head, allowing the image in my head to become liquescent and be absorbed into a much more ignored psyche.

[out of Paine's POV]

~ ~ ~

Inside Celsius' bridge, Brother was mumbling Al Bhed curses as his eyes narrowed at the skyline.  The trio of women had come back from Mount Gagazet and retrieved the last LeBlanc uniform.  Excitedly, all three had rushed down to the cabin to change into their uniforms and work on their disguises.  Meanwhile, Shinra was typing away at his Dossier and Bestiary dictionary after Yuna had given him some data, as Buddy was typing away and observing the results of the treasure ocillo.  Brother was the only unhappy camper out of the male trio of the Gullwings.

"A little dip," Brother mumbled to himself at the pilot seat, throwing daggers at Buddy in five-minute intervals.  "_A little dip!"_

"Oh, quit your whining," Buddy barked at him as his fingers found the right keys for input.  Brother was seethingly angry at Buddy's decision to whack him over the head when he was going to jump ship to see Yuna in a bathing suite.  He had been so close seeing the High Summoner in almost all her glory.  "Let the girls have time to themselves."

"GRAAAGGH!!" Brother screamed. "Do you have any idea what they were doing?"  He whined more. "A little _dip!  In _bathing suites!_  They were in __bathing suites!  Something that even a dressphere couldn't give you!"  He stomped immaturely at the pedals as his arms swung around.  He continued to complain as the ship began to swerve.  _

"Watch where you're driving!" Shinra yelled at Brother when some of his computer discs fell. Brother mumbled something in Al Bhed under his breath as he took to the wheel and steadied the airship.  He turned to Buddy again, still not done attempting to anger Buddy.  "It was babe central down there!"  He paused as an evil smile curled Brother's lips as he pinned a weak spot.  "You could have seen my sister in a bathing suite."

"Shut up," Buddy snapped right after Brother had finished his sentence.  His deeply tanned cheeks began to grow hot and red.  He had kept his silence trying to concentrate and focus on the green screen ahead of him, instead of the scrambled-brained leader next to him.  His typing grew louder, trying to take out his anger on hitting the computer keys harder.

"..._A little dip!"_

Buddy sighed.  When it came to girls, Brother's personality always gave a 360.  He went from a carefree silly goofball, to some one-tracked mind moron.  Gradually Brother was making Buddy irritated enough to whack him on the head again and put the ship in autopilot for the time being.  "Are girls all you ever think about?"

Back in the cabin, Rikku sat laid on the bed, her eye staring at the ceiling.  Her scarf was ruffled a bit and dirty, as well as her knees and arms.  

"Wow, talk about needing a break," Rikku breathed heavily, almost looking like she was about to fall over.  "All that climbing and kicking Ormi's tooshie _again_ can really take it outta' a person."  Rikku gave another exhale and flipped a braid out of her face.  Her tanned cheeks flushed with red as she panted.  Her body appeared weak from all of the rigorous climbing.

"Well, if you hadn't run up every crevice and cave, Rikku, perhaps you wouldn't be as exhausted," Paine had sarcastically answered.  She stood with her arms crossed looking out in the window, memorized by the beautiful sunlight that washed over the white landscape.  Her peachy face had turned to the mellow blonde and gave a self-satisfying smirk.  She had seem unfazed by the climb; then again, Paine was always used to vigorous training.

"But that hot spring was absolutely wonderful," Yuna cheerfully added, despite it had nothing to do with Rikku's lack of when to stop.  She had clasped her hands together sweetly and looked to both the breathless Rikku and the suave Paine.  Her emerald and azure eyes holding back girlish excitement of their clandestine doing on Ronso sacred ground.  Her smile innocent and proud, totally contradicting how she should of theoretically felt.  

"Yeah!" Rikku jumped up, her aches and soreness disappearing miraculously. Orange-red scarf swayed a bit as she jumped up and down, remembering their fun back at the hot spring.  Even if their life was one big adventure, Rikku had favored their hot spring memory the most.  Probably because she had finally seen Paine in something a little more girlish than what she usually wears.  And also, teasing Yuna and Paine had been a funny sight.  "A great place to kick back, huh?  We should go back sometime!"

"I don't think so," Paine glanced over to Yuna and Rikku with a shake of her head.  

"Why not?" Rikku ran to Paine, eagerness overcoming her.  Rikku bobbed hyperly right next to Paine, her emerald eyes prying her own barred ones and her fingers daringly poking.  Paine sighed annoyingly and rolled her eyes.  She stepped away from Rikku to save herself from the insistent prodding but Rikku stepped right after her, not ceasing her poking.

"Come on!  What was so wrong with it?  I thought it was relaxing! And you were relaxing too!"  Paine's face was turned to the left trying to silently fend off Rikku.  Rikku soon changed her position from Paine's right to her left, her poking now at Paine's left side.  Paine's eyebrow began to twitch as her garnet eyes were hidden by pale eyelids.  Finally, she snapped after the Al Bhed's 300th poke.

"Not after my _first trip," she hissed, her eyes narrowing on the golden-haired teenager.  "As if I feel naked _enough_ without my sword, you just made matters worse."_

"Eheheh..." Rikku chuckled nervously.  Slowly inching away from the dark-garbed woman like an elusive monkey.  She could almost _feel the violent vibes coming from her...and, well, Rikku didn't want another round of thwacking from Paine._

Yuna giggled watching the two inverse personalities battle it out.  Rikku had gone out of Paine's path of wrath; though Paine wasn't readily satisfied.  She walked towards Yuna while passing Rikku.  With the twist of her wrist, Paine had flicked one of Rikku's braids before fully passing her.  Rikku gave a muffled squeak and cringed, hoping that would be all of Paine's release of irritation.  "So, what's our next move?" Yuna asked, glancing over at Paine.

"Our next move?" Rikku plopped down thoughtfully on the metal floor of Celsius. "...Hrm.  Well, I'm too darned pooped to actually go and bust up Leblanc's Cheatu, so...let's just kick back a while, huh?"

"Great.  I guess that only leaves us to scout around Spira for opportunities for the friendly Gullwings to help out?" Paine growled.

"Wonderful idea, Paine!" Yuna clasped her hands together, looking at her and Rikku.  Rikku clapped her hands together, energized and ready to go after a three-minute rest.  It had got to be her record. The two girls jumped up and down together, asking themselves where they would drop by first.

"...I didn't suggest it, I was kidding," Paine mumbled, shaking her head at the two.

~ ~ ~

"Why don't we go on the Pilgrimage road again?  You know, start at Besaid Island and end the journey at Zanarkand?"

The ages had obviously changed: what had been a yearlong Pilgrimage towards the Final Aeon, was a short road trip that could be made in less than a few weeks.  Rikku always loved going down the Pilgrimage road; memories would flood inside her head of their journey together.  Despite it had been a gloomy and solemn mission it had always been filled with laughter.  Laughter, self-discovering, supporting journey with friends.

Yuna rubbed her chin thoughtfully as Brother tentatively stood in front of her, an ADD-like syndrome overtaking him and being like a jitterbug.  

"I don't know," Yuna said finally.  "I really don't.  I mean, is there any specific place you would like to go?"  Yuna turned to Rikku, herself out of ideas on where to go and what to do.

"No, not really," Rikku responded, bored. "I really don't know where we could have some fun.  I'm thinking about going to Luca and playing some Sphere Break, but I think I'm all out of coins...Since a certain someone won't let me practice with them!"  She glared at Paine and stuck her tongue out.

"I'm not a board game player," Paine coolly responded.

"Just watch," Rikku tilted her head back and forth, her foot tapping in sync with her head. "I bet she'd be the best player of them all because she's not too into the game."

Paine sighed and rolled her eyes.

"I know!" Yuna said excitedly. "There's one place on Spira that I have to visit often.  And I think now would be a good time to spend some time there!  And, if we get bored, we could always go to the Calm Lands and play some games."

Rikku smirks, already catching onto Yuna's idea. "I like it!  A nice little walk and then we race wolves!"

~ ~ ~

Soft footfalls were heard in this silent festival of opalescent light.  Chatoyant, resplendent crystals grew on reflective blue tree-trunks.  Macalania was still an exquisite location even if its luster was waning.  The absence of the Fayth began to take on a poisonous effect on the crystalline forest.  Baralai glanced around him aesthetically, taking in the quiet majesty of the forest itself.  

Thoughts rambled through his head; thoughts that were not of his own, thoughts that were of his own.  Yevon headquarters had become a little bit suffocating for him lately.  He needed a little breather from all of those bald priests breathing down his neck.  Some kind of respite before he lost his mind in a melding of distrustful colleagues and misguided holy men.

As he walked, Baralai felt that only half of himself was present in his body.  This feeling had stayed with him a long time and troubled him.  He felt something strange an alien in his own essence...it's not like half of himself was _gone, but asleep somewhere.  Submissive to this other strange force that resided inside of his flesh.  He didn't know really who to tell without sounding completely inane while doing so.  Surely, telling the Yevonites would have them fall apart almost immediately.  He couldn't tell a stranger, being almost a celebrity among Spira.  He no longer had any close friends because of this unsaid code of betrayal when he joined New Yevon..._

Why did he join New Yevon?

Why was he in Bevelle?  

The stranger inside of him gave him mysterious, silent answers.  Words and reasons never came out, but a strong resolve for Vegnagun that stayed.  Baralai could feel himself tremble; not physically, but his soul was shaking out of fear of this unseen control.  

Baralai continued to walk through the naturally chiseled vitreous silica of Macalania, following the lazuline route that would lead him farther into the woods.  A twining road that would lead him deeper into his thoughts.

The buzz in the back of his mind seemed to grow louder.  His thoughts drowning out into the fuzz of a sapphire haze.  

_Where am I?_

The voice called out into his head.  Baralai blinked, feeling his conscience fade out yet his body standing firm. Baralai let out a sharp cry before his other psyche drowned him out.  In the silence of the mystical Macalania, Shuyin had put Baralai to sleep within his own mind.

When Baralai lifted his head, hints of blue streaks were visible in his optics.  What had been a beautiful honey-topaz had turned into ice-cold koroit opals.  Shuyin gazed at all that was around him.  

_Macalania..._

The sight was breathtaking; back in his own time, the forest had barely even begun to grow and develop to be the lucid glory it had matured at this point.  The azure canopies filtered light, at the cyan sky was tasteless compared to this carnival of oceanic colors.  His wide, wondrous eyes took drank all of this cerulean paradise.  

_I wish Lenne were here._

He sighed some, his heart aching at the faint memory of Lenne.  Even in death, the effects of life also daunted him in this new plane of existence.  It had been 1,000 years he had seen Lenne and all she had been reduced to was a beautiful face and a promise of rapture for eternity.  He wished more than anything that her voice would be by him now, her face, just to see it instead of centuries giving himself artificial images.  His heart ached of the lonesomeness of his existence and the bliss he had once felt when he was very young.

Through this sentimentalism, it further hardened his goal to activate Vegnagun and vanquish Bevelle.  No - and even bigger bounty - Spira itself!

A smile of lunacy spread on Baralai's gentle features.  A face no one would of imagined would be expressed in Baralai.

Of course!  Why not?  This world had failed him.  This disgusting, pitiful world had taken the dearest thing from him.  And look at it now.  It hasn't changed, has it?  It's still fighting over petty little things.  Losing lives left and right as if they were meaningless.  Their perception hadn't grown at all.  And the Youth League and New Yevon were full proof of this.  What was the world to him, anyway?  He'll take it all.  He will show all the Spirans.

During his insane plot to destroy the world, he heard soft footsteps that echoed in the crystalline wonders.  Voices distant except for a silent determined walk.  Shuyin's body tensed as it neared.  With a warrior's speed, he took out his sharp javelin and narrowed his eyes at a sapphire trunk, knowing that whatever was coming would come just around the corner.  His robes muffled any sound of his javelin and barely made any sounds at all.  He was at an advantage...and he was determined to kill whatever came around that corner.  He couldn't afford suspicion or opposition so that seemed to be the only logical solution.

As the figure walked nearer, Baralai coiled himself in a fighting stance ready to leap.

"Baralai!"


End file.
